Panic!

I've been suffering from PANIC ATTACKS! since last Saturday. Lots of people bandy about the term, "Panic Attack". "Oh man, I was freakin' out...panic attack!" No, no.
NOPE. No, silly rabbit. A real panic attack can land you in the E.R.

Its the strangest thing. Suicidal, out-of-body, brain is spinning, heart is pumping. limbs are shaking. And the FEAR! I was filled with HORRIBLE debilitating FEAR. Sense of dread from no where. Like, I was gonna DIE. No joke! So, I woke up with it on Saturday night. Sunday afternoon. Monday Morning. Monday Night...really severe...

Finally saw a psychiatrist on Tuesday who put me on some heavy doses of tranquilizers. I can't function on the full dose, so Ive been taking less. Still can't really function too well, but no panic. I've been out of work all week. Going back for an evaluation tomorrow. I think the onset was a reset of a VERY high manic phase gone overboard. Plus, I've had some disagreements on my treatment with Bernie. I was doing just fine with my own organic method, until he had to stick his nose in and remove my natural remedies. He doesn't agree with my brand of self-care. HE also doesn't have to live inside my body wrecked with pain and my mind fraught with genetic defects. He should have left well enough alone. I still take deep offense at his lack of boundaries. Who is he to tell me what is right for my own care? I should lay here in a drug induced stupor because HE prefers that? No fucking way.

If he kept his paws off my belongings, we/I wouldn't be having these problems. Part of me really doesn't like him or his methods much anymore.

hello it's me - or at least this part.

I've decided to start writing on this blog again. Not sure how comfortable I am with all of it, but I'll try.

Lots of unsavory, unwelcome twists of fate and circumstance seem to come about here on the interwebs. A writer needs to be careful what they say, unless of course they have incredibly thick skins or just don't give a rats. Its interesting. I savor reading the slings and arrows of complete strangers who are interesting, or have an interesting writing style.

Everything needs to be so sanitary in the current online climate. I mean, I could go on and on about my personal life/problems/issues and maybe I should, but the Irisher in me won't let me anymore. I sweep it under the rug. Who's business is it anyway?

Conversely, the web has become a small community for me. My Fotolog friends, my Flickr friends, my Facebook friends. I work for a website. I think its shocking or maybe its my age, but I'm not comfortable with my workplace HR department checking out potential employees online personas -- to make sure they are 'stars'. Ew.

Maybe I don't 'get it' anymore? My life has so many facets that integrating an online persona into my real-life LIFE for the sake of judgment of fitness for new employment just seems wrong. You could never know all about Angela from my online persona! Bring me in and talk to me, let me talk to my potential manager and colleagues! Sneaking around online -- ugh. Do resumes and phone calls not work anymore? Letters of reference? Do you really want to hire someone who is sneaking around behind their current employers backs to find another job anyway? What goes around comes around!

Am I naive, out-of-touch or clinging to tired methods? What do you think of this new-age internet spy practice?